The Pimp Slap of Knowledge

November 11, 2008

Formative Years

Isn't this what a GDS family looks like?

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We’ve got a new President, and the White House will soon have a new hypo-allergenic, adopted, puppy mill-rescued canine playing on the grounds.  Although determining what type of puppy to get Sasha and Malia is a task that will undoubted receive more scrutiny than his solution to the global economic crisis, President-Elect Barack Obama has substantially bigger fish to fry in the selection of educational institutions for his adorably sweet pre-Washington daughters.

A school for their daughters is probably the most difficult choice that the Michelle and Barack will have to make in the coming eight (that’s right, I said it) years.  Hopefully, when the family leaves the White House, Sasha will be 18 and Malia, 15.  These girls will not only be learning some of the most important lessons of their life at their new school, but they will grow into young women.  Thus, it is imperative that the President- and First Lady-elect read this review of the schools that the family should consider in the Washington, DC Metropolitan Area.  As an educator and native of this city, I am certain that I can offer the Obamas the essential informed and unbiased  opinion of the area’s educational institutions of all types: public, private, parochial, and other.  Whether they listen is up to the omniscient intergoogleweb.

Despite Michelle Rhee’s efforts, the DC public school pickings are slim.  Thus, we will definitely disqualify them for the running.  Moreover, I don’t think that the Catholic and Christian schools in the area can hold a candle to the region’s independent schools, so that pretty much rules them out as well (except for some of the establishments serving male populations).  Thus, in no particular order (actually, my increasing endorsement), here is what I feel are the Obamas’ best choices of schools for Sasha and Malia.

3) Beauvoir & The National Cathedral School. This beautiful school has most recently been home to Nobel Laureate Al Gore’s daughters, with his son atteding the boy’s equivalent, St. Alban’s until he was “not asked back” due to transgressions related to a certain leafy green substance in middle school.  Beauvoir and NCS could be a good fit, as it is an environment that pushes students academically, while still allowing them to pursue their individual interests.

2) Sidwell Friends School. I would certainly put my money on the girls’ attending either Sidwell or the school that I feel would be the best fit.  Al Gore III and Chelsea Clinton graduated from this institution, just up the street from NCS.  In addition to an excellent academic reputation, Sidwell also offers tremendous athletics, should Sasha and Malia decide to follow Barack’s hoop-shooting footsteps.  With excellent facilities and the Quaker beliefs that make for tempered, tolerant, and intelligent young adults, the Sidwell Friends School would definitely provide the girls with a thorough education.

1) Georgetown Day School. In my heart of hearts, I hope that Barack and Michelle decide to send their daughters to this school, which I will always hold dear.  Having spent kindergarten through eighth grade at this haven of of learning on MacArthur Boulevard in Georgetown, I feel that I can speak effectively to the merits of the school.  Rather than forcing students to learn in a rigid environment that dictates learning, GDS reacts to the interests of the learners, allowing them to explore the content that interests them.  With a rich curriculum from which I draw knowledge to this day, GDS is an environment to which I send my children in a heartbeat, and I hope that Barack and Michelle choose to provide their daughters with the diverse, nurturing, and in-depth education that they deserve.

Now that we know that Sasha and Malia will become Mighty Hoppers in January, the only remaining question for the transition team is, “Who’s going to be their tutor?”  I’ve heard great things about a charter school science and math teacher. Highly recommended.  References available.  Representatives from the Obama  team can contact me here, I’ll clear my schedule.

November 3, 2008

Let Me Vote Already!

I’m afraid that I’ve grown up.  I get home, and instead of taking a refreshing nap, watching highlights on SportsCenter, or a re-run of Family Guy, I watch MSNBC, CNN, or if I’m feeling particularly worn-out, Fox News.  Even though one of my good friends has worked for George Stephanopoulos’s Sunday talk show, This Week for over a year, I watched it for the first time yesterday – and couldn’t muster the strength to change it to the latest hotel room romantic comedy drivel.

As I was getting a haircut over the weekend, my barber told me, “You know you’re getting old when you go out of your way to watch CNN.”  It’s true.  Much of my youth was dedicated to trying to figure out why my Grandma enjoys watching Larry King.  My sister started watching it when she turned thirty, so I think I’m at least a few years away from that entertainmentless black hole.

The point is, I think my head is going to explode if I don’t vote immediately, and I hope you feel the same way.  Moreover, I fear that I am becoming a crabby old man, or the illegitimate love child result of an orgy between Sean Hannity, Keith Olbermann, Greta van Susteren, Bill O’Reilly, Rachel Maddow and Chris Rock.  Between the Redskins playing tonight and the election tomorrow, if things don’t work out favorably, I think I have a 76% of having an aneurysm.  Compound that with the predictive power of the Redskins’ last game before the election and I’m in trouble.

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